Reticent Writer

It’s been a little while since I have written - partially because of the overwhelm I experienced getting here, as well as the adjustment I’m undergoing whilst settling in. Sometimes (and I can only speak for myself), there can be so much going on that I cannot focus on writing, even when there is a plethora of “things” to write about on a daily basis. Though this piece be short, it will allow me to get back into the groove of reporting on my experiences, impressions, and on-goings here in Oxford.

I recognize the scope and scale of my decision to continue my university education here. Where I knew what to expect in California and the better part of the U.S. educational system, I am clueless as to what the rigors of studying will be come September 28th. I can’t imagine a better place to “be” - on a day-to-day basis; there are so many wonderful people with whom I’ve become friends, and my fondest memories in adulthood, to date, resides with me here. I can walk wherever I want, or hop onto any number of local buses that traverse Oxford. My spirit has once again been freed.

Making such a huge decision with respect to my education has, at times, been a frightening prospect; not knowing what is around the next academic corner with respect to finances, living arrangements, and possibly a degree or degrees (if I am so fortunate) has, of recent, created a tinge of paralysis regarding my writing. I suppose that that big jump from familiar surroundings to any new locale tests one’s mettle, so in that respect, I am in good company with my fellow classmates who are now attending various universities (or are about to embark on such).

It took years for me to come to this juncture of my life, but of those lost years between then and now, I am finally beginning to see myself as my own person, with my own concerns, and my own plight ahead of me. There are no short-cuts or easy ways out - the only way to the finish line is through the gauntlet, whether it be at PCC, Berkeley, Stanford, Cornell, or in Oxford. There are times when I feel like I will have to stand alone along this line I have drawn in the sand - until I look around and recognize so many people cheering me on and embarking on similar journeys. Further, while I am physically removed from my family, friends, and familiar surroundings (of which I speak of my many years living in Los Angeles), I do not feel in any way that there is permanence to be reckoned with; all things being transitory, we are given to the illusion that time stands still. I am here, and I am there. From here, I will continue forward, and will contemplate where I was: there.

There is only the here and now. With that in mind, I will do the best I can in each endeavour. That is all there is for me to do at any given moment…