Now it is time to close the circle from whence I drew much strength and hope from, and now the time is near to begin concluding in the lines of the greater circle drawn. I’ve lived and have seen a new world and this new world has been very kind and accepting of my presence. Yet, life proceeds. It is a difficult tearing away of a paradise that holds a special place in my heart for numerous reasons. Time marches forward, and I’ll never be the same for these experiences. I cannot begin to contemplate the numerous occasions in which I have been the fool – the court jester – that desperate pitiful creature who forgot herself amidst the elixirs of life-giving life that will never be fully expressed or understood. For these things I am grateful and will carry back a delicate new self made strong by laughter and pain, made vulnerable through the love of all things.
It is difficult being so attuned to the world, and worse yet to be sensitive to all manner of elements that dissonance construes, and a thousand-thousand writers throughout time have pontificated upon the depths of life and living. I find myself having become a stranger to myself at times; where certainty once carried me, I have lost a little of that balance and am slightly off-center. I’m afraid I can no longer return to the self I once was for too much would be at stake, so I struggle with my newfound growing pains, hoping for the best yet expecting the worse at times. Sometimes life is too beautiful and it doesn’t take a writer and artist much to be knocked senseless by the enormity of the wonders I behold. Gratitude trumps all else.
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